a single poppy, a single rose

For over four years I wasn't able to sleep well, with grief and anxiety my constant companions after Katie's death. Now I'm sleeping almost too well, and while I don't miss the hypervigilance and anxiety, I just wish I wasn't so tired all the time. I can seriously sleep the day away now if I don't have to go to work, and after work I've been taking luxurious naps. This is the depression side of grief, and not much is getting accomplished in my life.

It was during this Sunday morning sleeping in time that both of my sons called me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. Gabe told me about the elderly lady that he was driving to church and about Crissy's Birthday Party the day before. Jason told me that he'd been noticing things while he was walking that he hadn't seen before, like different birds and the stained glass window of a church that was lit up at night. He also told me about his new friend Sarah, and that they like to play frisbee together and go running and have even gone rock climbing at a gym. All seems well with their Chicago world at the moment.

I finally got out of bed and wandered outside to look at this poppy and snap it's picture, as last weekend it just kept raining and the petals on this little wildflower were closed up. Today there was only one bloom, but one is enough. My husband first noticed it blooming over a week ago and showed it to me. I felt it was a connection with Katie, our little wildflower. There are also volunteer lupines in the backyard, but they're going to seed now. Just taking in the beauty of a single flower is inspiring, but this weekend I also noticed the beauty of many women in my life.

On Saturday, Carrie was my hero, driving a 16 foot moving truck from Rancho Cordova to Carmichael to Yuba City to Chico. She made it look easy, and I felt content riding in the cab with her. She's smart and capable and loving, and I'm proud she's my niece. Carrie's also a great hiking partner, and together we've hiked to Phantom Falls on Table Mountain, Bald Rock near Berry Creek, North Mountain in the Sutter Buttes, and Rock Creek in the Feather River Canyon. She has an artistic point of view that shows in her excellent photography, and I can't wait to go on another adventure with her.

My niece Amanda is an awesome mother to her daughter, lovingly attentive to her baby's needs. This is her first Mother's Day, and her first weekend in her new home. She's a young mother, a road I traveled 25 years before her, and I know how difficult it can be. Amanda will be adding a new baby to our family near the end of July, so her kids will be even closer in age than mine were, only 13 months apart! She's planning on going to Butte College so that she can get a better job to support her kids. I can't wait to visit Amanda and Giana in their new home this week!

Then there's my friend Nola, who lets me leap into her pool when life gets me down and I need to let go and be caught by the liquid beauty of water. She listens to my troubles with her heart, and I know that she cares about me and loves me. I brought her coffee and sweets so we could celebrate our motherhood together, and she showed me her new paint sprayer that she's painting her newly remodeled kitchen with. I'm convinced that Nola can do anything she puts her mind to, and soon there will be new wood flooring and cabinets and appliances and it will be gorgeous. Nola is also my park walking buddy, and together we talk out our troubles and worries and enjoy the beautiful trees and birds of Bidwell Park. Her sweet daughter Crystal gave me a long-stemmed red rose for Mother's Day, and I cried all the way home in the car. And I remembered how Katie liked to stop and smell the roses.