The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. ~Kahlil Gibran
A few days after Katie's body was found, I realized that her death was over-shadowing her life, and I hated that. I worried that when people thought of Katie, they would only remember how she died, not how she lived. Newspaper headlines and TV reports used pictures of my child to talk about her death. People that had never met Katie knew about her death, not her life.
I didn't want how Katie died to be more important than how she lived. Katie was so much more than her death, Katie had done so many wonderful things in her 18 and 1/2 years of life.
We struggled and then we picked ourselves up and went back to work and back to school and went on. Katie's death had shattered our lives, but we were still here. We have learned that broken hearts still beat.
For over five years, we have grieved, and it's been hard work. We went on with life as best we could, but there was always an important person missing from the center of our family. We were grieving the loss of our irreplaceable daughter and sister, our Katie.
But just like I didn't want Katie's death to define her life, I've realized that I don't want Katie's death to define my life either. I want Katie's life to shine forth in my life, as my friend Mary said, I get all these years to live for her. I want to live my life as joyfully as I can for Katie, she'd like that.
I love you Katie!
Monday, July 27, 2009
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Well said. After a death well-meaning people frequently say "Get on with your life." (I hate that.) But it's not about not grieving, it's about not LIVING. After Sophie's death I felt that if I didn't live, it would be as if 2 deaths occurred. Therefore it was my charge to make meaning of her life as well as her death, so I made a conscious decision about how I would grieve.
ReplyDeleteLisa, you are such a wonderful, joy-filled person. Did you read the little book Safe Passage by Molly Fumia? It is full of one-page affirmations about grieving. One that stuck with me was something to the effect of, "know that while you are telling your loved one's story here, they are somewhere else telling YOUR story".
Love never dies and we keep it alive by acknowledging those we love.
I read your posts and don't comment often because I just feel so helpless to respond in any meaningful way. This post touched me in its spirit to go on. You remember, but you go on.
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