reality check

In the beginning I really hated that authors in books I read talked about bereaved parents learning or growing or benefiting in some way from this experience...I didn't want it, the price was too high. And how can I know how I would have grown or what I would have learned with my daughter here? I can't process this as a positive experience, even with the cultural pressure to do so. I can only continue to heal and grow and learn alongside of the reality of her death. I can choose to go on living, even though it still occasionally hurts like hell after 5 years. As one person said so well, you don't 'get over it', you 'get on with it'.