sudden death

When life brings an echo of that fear, that falling into the abyss of her death, the pain envelopes me and burns deeply. Where is she, I can't find her, never did find her, just her empty shell, and slammed my hands against the glass and screamed her name to try to wake her. Several days later I touched her so tenderly and brushed her hair and sang to her, until they pulled me away. How could she be gone from us forever, she was just here, how could this have happened? It all seemed so surreal, but now it's painfully real. I will carry the emptiness of her little body deprived of it's beautiful being for the rest of my life. She is part of us, once so lively and joyful and loving, now gone. I don't understand, I will never understand how I'm supposed to live without her. The loneliness is unbearable.